Setting Boundaries When You Have Anxiety: Protect Your Peace and Stop Feeling Trapped By Guilt
Anxiety often convinces us we have to say “yes” to everything, be available to everyone, or avoid conflict at all costs. But constantly pushing your limits can increase anxiety, burnout, and resentment. Setting healthy boundaries isn’t selfish. Rather, it’s a key skill for protecting your mental health. Let’s explore why boundaries matter, how anxiety makes them harder, and ways to practice them confidently.
Why Do People with Anxiety Struggle with Boundaries?
People with anxiety often:
Fear disappointing others
Overthink how others will respond
Avoid conflict or hard conversations
Feel responsible for others’ emotions
This leads to:
Saying “yes” when you mean “no”
Taking on too much
Ignoring your own needs
Feeling resentful or overwhelmed
What Are Healthy Boundaries?
Boundaries are clear guidelines that define what you’re okay with and what you’re not. They might sound like:
“I can’t talk right now, but I’d love to catch up later.”
“I’m not comfortable discussing that topic.”
“I need some time to recharge after work.”
“I can’t take that on right now.”
Boundaries can be time-based, emotional, physical, digital, or conversational.
Real-Life Examples of Boundaries for Anxiety
1. Work Boundary
Before: You check emails late at night because you’re afraid your boss will think you’re not committed.
After: “I’ll respond during work hours. I’m working on maintaining better work-life balance.”
2. Friendship Boundary
Before: Your friend calls every night to vent. You listen even when you’re exhausted.
After: “I really care, but I don’t have the energy to talk tonight. Can we catch up this weekend?”
3. Family Boundary
Before: A relative brings up a topic that triggers your anxiety, like your weight, relationships, or life choices.
After: “I’d rather not talk about that. It’s a sensitive topic for me.”
4. Digital Boundary
Before: You feel guilty not responding to texts immediately.
After: “I may not reply right away, but I’ll get back to you when I can.”
Tips to Start Practicing Boundaries
1. Start Small
Begin with low-stakes situations. Practicing with acquaintances or over text can be a gentle starting point.
2. Use Clear, Calm Language
Keep it simple. You don’t need to over-explain: “I’m not available then,” or “That doesn’t work for me.”
3. Expect Discomfort, Not Disaster
It’s normal to feel anxious or guilty at first—that doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong. With practice, the discomfort fades and confidence grows.
4. Use “I” Statements
This keeps communication non-blaming: “I need some quiet time after work,” vs. “You’re always overwhelming me.”
5. Prepare and Rehearse
Write down what you want to say. Practicing helps you stay grounded during difficult conversations.
Mantra to Keep in Mind: “Saying ‘no’ to others is often saying ‘yes’ to myself.”
Boundaries aren’t mean. They’re are about showing up for yourself with the same care and commitment you offer others. Remember that boundaries don’t push people away. Instead, they show people how to love and respect you. The right people will honor your boundaries. The wrong people may resist, but that says more about them than you. If you struggle with anxiety, boundaries are essential. Start small. Practice often. And remember you’re allowed to protect your peace. If setting boundaries feels uncomfortable, you’re not alone, and you’re not doing it wrong. You’re learning a new language of self-respect. Keep going.
References & Resources
Tawwab, N. G. (2021). Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself. TarcherPerigee.
Cloud, H., & Townsend, J. (1992). Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No. Zondervan.
Research & Educational Sources
American Psychological Association (APA) – Understanding anxiety and assertiveness
https://www.apa.orgNational Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) – Healthy Boundaries Toolkit
https://www.nami.orgTherapist Aid – Free handouts on boundaries, anxiety, and communication
https://www.therapistaid.com
Podcasts & Videos
Therapy Chat Podcast – Episodes on people-pleasing and emotional boundaries
https://www.therapychatpodcast.comDr. Nicole LePera (@the.holistic.psychologist) – Instagram & YouTube content on boundaries and self-healing